Plenty of sparkling bits in your piece, Sam, but I especially love this one: "I soon learned the multimillionaire family that ran the taxi company was big into minimalism: furnishings, break allowances, wages." All things that match beige cashmere outfits so well.
🤣🤣🤣 “A lot of people - and I use the term generously - get their warped rocks off taking an underpaid worker to task for the failings of the organisation underpaying them. In a faceless call centre operator, they find the perfect repository for all their life’s frustrations. The only hate I allow into my heart is reserved for these fucks.”
I just finished "Time I Got Fired #2" and I loved it. It was very funny. I loved the description of the working environment, "the call center had the feng sui of an improvised torture chamber." And, I loved the telephone mantra. This was my very favorite line, "His whole thing was doing blow and delivering sweet old ladies rapid-fire customer service. " Hysterical. You are very talented!
I lol'd through much of this but truly identified with this:
"My favourite co-worker was a way-chill, raging cokehead, with a case of the forever-sniffles and an impeccable telephone manner. His whole thing was doing blow and delivering sweet old ladies rapid-fire customer service."
And yes people who take their life's aggravations and take them out by punching down at service workers deserve nothing but the worst and whatever is worse than that except also while on fire.
A very tough choice. Maybe, if I had to pick, I would go with the chocs, just because I cannot imagine my life without it. Although these days, thankfully, I don't have to walk around with an IV drip of it.
I knew the setup sounded familiar! From this heart breaking account, I must conclude, my friend, that you are a masochist, much like myself. Condolances. I'm just grateful you didn't have a boss a La Phil Mitchell! lol BTW, love the line about speed. Makes me feel ebtter about choosing coffee...
I will say all those fucking awful jobs made me value a job that I love. haha I think Phil Mitchel would be a good boss, loyal if a little rough round the edges and prone to a gruff disciplinary or a clip round the ear. Coffee is the speed of the massess!
haha yeah you might have a point there. Even at the time, I was thinking this is greaaaat material. I tried to frame it in my head as research for some unknown project, but I couldn't keep that illusion up for long.
Thanks very much mate! I'm chuffed you're enjoying it
I like working. I don’t like people. I do my work by myself. I kick people out of my work area sometimes for trying to help. I’m not there to be their friend and I don’t want to be.
I've never met anyone who doesn't deserve a broom up their butt! Have you ever shoved a broom up anyone’s butt? The crackheads in the town I used to hang out in called me the broomstick man🧹
Wait. Did you really, truly actually for real do cocaine, LSD, ketamine while employed as a Christmas elf?! So you basically pwned David Sedaris' "Santa Land Diaries" in a hilarious and unintentional way?
haha I did indeed. Well, I wasn't employed, I rented out the stall for the sake of the video. It was actually a pretty unpleasant experience, at the time, at it was a the follow up to another video, and I was riddled with second album anxiety. It was the first time I'd done acid, no less! by myself and on camera, wrapping presents for people. I also spent the majority of the ketamine one in a k hole, and emerged with a weary-looking teenager in front of me.
I haven't heard of that! I'll have to read it. I just got one of his books actually, after someone recommended it on here.
That's the second worst first LSD trip story I've ever heard, why were you ruining the fun of drugs by making the experiences stressful, unpleasant and publicly watchable? Capitalism?
haha I reckon I've got one that can take the top spot!
I did this one https://youtu.be/wmg-sYnMIrA as I thought it would be funny to submit me doing drugs at work as a uni journalism assignment. Then it went viral so we did another one for fun! The classic christmas themed sequel with scarier drugs
Those who vent on service workers are simply getting their already torsioned testicles in a further twist for nothing. They will reap hideous karma in the next life and high blood pressure in this life.
What they should do, of course, is to ask politely for details of the business owners, check those details at Companies House, then follow the advice of Lite from Repo Man: "I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet."
When it comes to low paying jobs and drug use, Repo Man essentially wrote the book - the book in movie form, if you see what I'm getting at - but Sorry to Bother You from many years later is a very welcome spiritual successor. If you haven't seen these films you absolutely must.
haha I will serve as the agent of karma and hurry along their journey to the next spiritual plane by taking a spiritual plane to their tangled testes.
I'm all for giving them a thorough cistern double-dunking! I'll check em out. I just googled Repo man and fell down a Youtube rabbit hole of this big old berk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNQ26d7CHDw
Plenty of sparkling bits in your piece, Sam, but I especially love this one: "I soon learned the multimillionaire family that ran the taxi company was big into minimalism: furnishings, break allowances, wages." All things that match beige cashmere outfits so well.
Thanks Portia!
🤣🤣🤣 “A lot of people - and I use the term generously - get their warped rocks off taking an underpaid worker to task for the failings of the organisation underpaying them. In a faceless call centre operator, they find the perfect repository for all their life’s frustrations. The only hate I allow into my heart is reserved for these fucks.”
Thanks Elaine!
I just finished "Time I Got Fired #2" and I loved it. It was very funny. I loved the description of the working environment, "the call center had the feng sui of an improvised torture chamber." And, I loved the telephone mantra. This was my very favorite line, "His whole thing was doing blow and delivering sweet old ladies rapid-fire customer service. " Hysterical. You are very talented!
Thanks Sandy! I really appreciate it. :) It's interesting that blow line's gone down well, I wasn't sure about it
I lol'd through much of this but truly identified with this:
"My favourite co-worker was a way-chill, raging cokehead, with a case of the forever-sniffles and an impeccable telephone manner. His whole thing was doing blow and delivering sweet old ladies rapid-fire customer service."
And yes people who take their life's aggravations and take them out by punching down at service workers deserve nothing but the worst and whatever is worse than that except also while on fire.
Thanks Rachel! I'm glad you liked that bit. haha amen, triple fuck those guys, and spitroast them over the flaming worst
The biscuits' side, duh! And the choccies, as if that wasn't obvious. (And now marmalade too. Dear Lord, that bear is smart!)
Pick a side, god dammit! Then again, I couldn't choose between bics and chox
A very tough choice. Maybe, if I had to pick, I would go with the chocs, just because I cannot imagine my life without it. Although these days, thankfully, I don't have to walk around with an IV drip of it.
haha I think I'd go choccy too, because biscuits rely on tea. They do not stand alone in their glory
Sensible thinking! :)
I wish I could get a job giving people bad news.
Or you could just put on a white coat, and walk around the local hospice giving out the odd
terminal diagnosis
That'd work. I could tell families that their husband or mom is dying and laugh.
Your wife didn't make it. Sorry, not sorry.
Then I’d laugh: https://youtu.be/PiGIQrt1IaE?si=fbbvaFXub8fFEG30
Weatherman?
I knew the setup sounded familiar! From this heart breaking account, I must conclude, my friend, that you are a masochist, much like myself. Condolances. I'm just grateful you didn't have a boss a La Phil Mitchell! lol BTW, love the line about speed. Makes me feel ebtter about choosing coffee...
I will say all those fucking awful jobs made me value a job that I love. haha I think Phil Mitchel would be a good boss, loyal if a little rough round the edges and prone to a gruff disciplinary or a clip round the ear. Coffee is the speed of the massess!
Which brings up an interesting question: Who would you prefer to work for - Phil Mitchell or Ian Beale?
haha the age old question. I would say Ian would be a softer touch, I wouldn't rely on the job security of any business run by that spineless wretch.
I think me and my brother once had a conversation on if we'd rather fuck phil mitchell or ian beal. I think I went Phil in the end
Ah, a masochist with a death wish... Thank God these are fictional characters. lol
haha they're real to me, ok, they're real to me
Oh dear, apologies. Then I would definitely suggest not fucking Phil Mitchell, ever. Not a good idea, from what I am led to understand.
“What the fuck are you doing here, mate?”
Right answer was, "Collecting hilarious stories for a future newsletter" .
Fantastic as always.
haha yeah you might have a point there. Even at the time, I was thinking this is greaaaat material. I tried to frame it in my head as research for some unknown project, but I couldn't keep that illusion up for long.
Thanks very much mate! I'm chuffed you're enjoying it
Have you ever fired anyone?
I can't say I have. Well, I could, but I haven't. Have you?
No, I’ve never held that type of power, but it’s probably for the best. I’d send everyone out the door. I REALLY don’t like people.
Me neither. I'd be the opposite. I struggle not being nice to people. I really like people
I like working. I don’t like people. I do my work by myself. I kick people out of my work area sometimes for trying to help. I’m not there to be their friend and I don’t want to be.
That's a shame! You must not have met the right ones. There are a lot of shitters out there.
I've never met anyone who doesn't deserve a broom up their butt! Have you ever shoved a broom up anyone’s butt? The crackheads in the town I used to hang out in called me the broomstick man🧹
Are people nicer in the UK than in the US? I've heard yes and no about this question.
Wait. Did you really, truly actually for real do cocaine, LSD, ketamine while employed as a Christmas elf?! So you basically pwned David Sedaris' "Santa Land Diaries" in a hilarious and unintentional way?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santaland_Diaries
I don't think you understand how happy you've just made me. Thanks! 10/10
haha I did indeed. Well, I wasn't employed, I rented out the stall for the sake of the video. It was actually a pretty unpleasant experience, at the time, at it was a the follow up to another video, and I was riddled with second album anxiety. It was the first time I'd done acid, no less! by myself and on camera, wrapping presents for people. I also spent the majority of the ketamine one in a k hole, and emerged with a weary-looking teenager in front of me.
I haven't heard of that! I'll have to read it. I just got one of his books actually, after someone recommended it on here.
That's the second worst first LSD trip story I've ever heard, why were you ruining the fun of drugs by making the experiences stressful, unpleasant and publicly watchable? Capitalism?
haha I reckon I've got one that can take the top spot!
I did this one https://youtu.be/wmg-sYnMIrA as I thought it would be funny to submit me doing drugs at work as a uni journalism assignment. Then it went viral so we did another one for fun! The classic christmas themed sequel with scarier drugs
Those who vent on service workers are simply getting their already torsioned testicles in a further twist for nothing. They will reap hideous karma in the next life and high blood pressure in this life.
What they should do, of course, is to ask politely for details of the business owners, check those details at Companies House, then follow the advice of Lite from Repo Man: "I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet."
When it comes to low paying jobs and drug use, Repo Man essentially wrote the book - the book in movie form, if you see what I'm getting at - but Sorry to Bother You from many years later is a very welcome spiritual successor. If you haven't seen these films you absolutely must.
haha I will serve as the agent of karma and hurry along their journey to the next spiritual plane by taking a spiritual plane to their tangled testes.
I'm all for giving them a thorough cistern double-dunking! I'll check em out. I just googled Repo man and fell down a Youtube rabbit hole of this big old berk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNQ26d7CHDw
Cheers for the recommendation!
Hey it's not Harry Dean Stanton doing a mountain of speed and cursing normal people to the heavens, but it does look like some fun.
Your own YT series was a great deal of fun too.
That does sound like a tremendous amount of fun!
Thank you! It's the repo man (Sean James) of sitcoms!