Flat-Arse Theory is a washout and a sellout, the last refuge of the level-cheeked scoundrel.
I have a doctorate in arseology from the University of Soggy Bottom and I'm here to tell you that all Arses have a measurable curvature, even you my fine fellow.
haha while I appreciate you words of encouragement, stop trying to flat shame me. My buttress is neither loadbearing nor diagonal.
Ah yes, I believe you were the gentleman, with the PHD scrawled on his day pass, who gave my botty a most thorough inspection on the number 5 bus. I'll take the scars I bear as your stamp of approval
Why thank you! But how can I trust the writings of the very same hand that attributed to a similar degree of value to my probing on the upper deck of the number 5
Such probings were only for your own good, for while I encourage deep explorations in the field of arse studies, I take a strict line on deviance from strict orthodoxy in arse theory. Flat Arse Theory is one such heresy that must be expunged mercilessly.
You are the worst kind of hypocrite! You preach of sin, with your hand in my coffers. Try ass you might, you cannot expunge flat arse theory from within the suffocating confines of my bottom.
I see what you did there, though your woeful punnery will not deter me from giving all Flat Arsers the spanking they so richly merit. I am the scourge of all such bottom-feeders.
Sadly this comment was the last time I felt the smarting of my father's palm! Dearest papa why have you abandoned me so. I did not appreciate the force of your blows. Now that they are gone I see the wisdom in your gropes, the grace in your gripes. I long for one last shot across the bows! Tell me father, what must I do.
My dear friend, you are in good company. The late and terribly missed George Carlin had the same problem and told the audience all about it. His solution was to double up on wallets in back pockets, although he said it was not a perfect out, by any means. I, however, am a great believer in finding solace in random ideas and suggestions, so here are a few:
1. A man who is interested in women does not necessarily have to display his behind when making love, thus he can feel less self-conscious.
2. As you pointed out yourself, there is always the option of remaining seated or leaning casually against something.
3. at some point in life, you might, with the help of good friends and excellent booze, wish to consider what would be the best midlife pick-me-up you reward yourself with: a cool car or butt implants. (I personally would vote car, but I am not certain I am invited to said discussion...)
4. Arsed you should not be, because, after all, it is all about the hole and the hole is still there. I have an entire theory about the pot of gold at the end of the hallway, but I fear it is neither the place nor the time. In any case, most women can close their eyes and ignore physical things about their man, but once he opens his mouth, they cannot turn a deaf ear. Which is to say: thank God, you are not an idiot, nor do you have an issue of expressing yourself. So my sense is that you do just fine, don't worry about it.
hahaha that's great to hear I dutty wine behind the flat bottys of comedic giants!
1. Jesus Christ, I've clearly been doing this wrong.
2. By day, I only travel with my extended back against the wall. It limits me to one block. But, by cover of night I'm free to expand my horizons and explore the whole universe of the surrounding blocks.
3. You are the pioneer of this discussion, and will be in your rightful place as speaker of the house, wielding a gavel in ceremonial dress. Why choose? I'll just have the arse-end of a mid-range sports car surgically melded with my bottom. The only dilemna, which personally number to go with maybe B00TY.
4. The hole is really the star of the show, isn't it. Mine is, frankly, adorable. Thank you, Tali, me and my bottom are reassured. You are very kind! In fact, my bottom is swelling with arrogance. I'm lifting off my seat. My girlfriend purports to find my little bottom adorable, especially in the context of my frame. All is well in the world!
Then by all means, put your faith in your girlfriend and trust that you can travel freely, by day or night, because the only opinion that matters, other than yours of course, is hers. If I may amalgamate two excellent lines of lyrics: Be yourself, no matter what they say, because to be yourself is all that you can do. That includes accepting your body as it is, butt or no butts, without ifs and ands. (Sorry, couldn't help it...)
Thanks Tali! Reading between the lines of yours wisdoms, your saying I should traverse the globe in cheekless chaps. Ill get right to it! haha no need to help. that if and butts was in my notes actually, but I couldn't quite get to the bottom of it. I had something like "all but something
Haha! I have the opposite problem. Pre-Kardashians I was some weird quirk of arse genetics. My ex in Chicago, while we sat waiting for our takeaway pizza, giving a young man a once over, whispered “you can’t trust a man with no ass”. No idea how he came by that conversation piece, but he was adamant.
My dad's side of the family has a name, which sounds like the degree many of them have: MBBS. Whilst there are a bunch of doctors there, this specific acronym stands for "Member of big booty society". I am blessed with a generous one thanks to genetic back draft. I quite like it 😂
I must admit that I never thought about my behind very much until I read your hysterical "Curse of the Bootyless." The consequences of reading this is that now I will have to find a way to get a good look at my 'tush' without looking like an arsehole doing so. I have a feeling that once upon a time I had l had the desired nice rounded bottom, but that age has now caused muscles to sag dragging my rear end with them. I don't think you should be ashamed or feel cheated by having flat flanks. You next piece of writing should be an extolling of the flat hiney. This was a very, very enjoyable piece.
We never think much of the things that come to us naturally. You've been sitting on a position of privilege with that cushy tushy! haha flat flanks, is a great phrase. One of the sentences I culled was "The wagon I'm dragging is sagging and flagging" because I thought it wasn't true to my non botty! So, if that applies to yours, I give you full rights to it. I have come to terms without my bottom. Now that's a challenge! I'll show that in the ideas doccy. Thanks very much Sandy! I appreciate you reading and always enjoy your comments
Flat-Arse Theory is a washout and a sellout, the last refuge of the level-cheeked scoundrel.
I have a doctorate in arseology from the University of Soggy Bottom and I'm here to tell you that all Arses have a measurable curvature, even you my fine fellow.
haha while I appreciate you words of encouragement, stop trying to flat shame me. My buttress is neither loadbearing nor diagonal.
Ah yes, I believe you were the gentleman, with the PHD scrawled on his day pass, who gave my botty a most thorough inspection on the number 5 bus. I'll take the scars I bear as your stamp of approval
100% agree. Also, this is the finest piece of Gluteal Epistemology I've ever read, Sam.
Thank you, Portia. I write for those at the bottommost of the rump stakes.
My own demurral aside, I must concur that Sam has conducted a valuable probing into a most contentious area.
Why thank you! But how can I trust the writings of the very same hand that attributed to a similar degree of value to my probing on the upper deck of the number 5
Such probings were only for your own good, for while I encourage deep explorations in the field of arse studies, I take a strict line on deviance from strict orthodoxy in arse theory. Flat Arse Theory is one such heresy that must be expunged mercilessly.
You are the worst kind of hypocrite! You preach of sin, with your hand in my coffers. Try ass you might, you cannot expunge flat arse theory from within the suffocating confines of my bottom.
I see what you did there, though your woeful punnery will not deter me from giving all Flat Arsers the spanking they so richly merit. I am the scourge of all such bottom-feeders.
Yes, he went deep into it, with his own tried penetrant testing method.
Best comment I have read in a hot min
Thanks Lafferty!
Sadly this comment was the last time I felt the smarting of my father's palm! Dearest papa why have you abandoned me so. I did not appreciate the force of your blows. Now that they are gone I see the wisdom in your gropes, the grace in your gripes. I long for one last shot across the bows! Tell me father, what must I do.
My dear friend, you are in good company. The late and terribly missed George Carlin had the same problem and told the audience all about it. His solution was to double up on wallets in back pockets, although he said it was not a perfect out, by any means. I, however, am a great believer in finding solace in random ideas and suggestions, so here are a few:
1. A man who is interested in women does not necessarily have to display his behind when making love, thus he can feel less self-conscious.
2. As you pointed out yourself, there is always the option of remaining seated or leaning casually against something.
3. at some point in life, you might, with the help of good friends and excellent booze, wish to consider what would be the best midlife pick-me-up you reward yourself with: a cool car or butt implants. (I personally would vote car, but I am not certain I am invited to said discussion...)
4. Arsed you should not be, because, after all, it is all about the hole and the hole is still there. I have an entire theory about the pot of gold at the end of the hallway, but I fear it is neither the place nor the time. In any case, most women can close their eyes and ignore physical things about their man, but once he opens his mouth, they cannot turn a deaf ear. Which is to say: thank God, you are not an idiot, nor do you have an issue of expressing yourself. So my sense is that you do just fine, don't worry about it.
hahaha that's great to hear I dutty wine behind the flat bottys of comedic giants!
1. Jesus Christ, I've clearly been doing this wrong.
2. By day, I only travel with my extended back against the wall. It limits me to one block. But, by cover of night I'm free to expand my horizons and explore the whole universe of the surrounding blocks.
3. You are the pioneer of this discussion, and will be in your rightful place as speaker of the house, wielding a gavel in ceremonial dress. Why choose? I'll just have the arse-end of a mid-range sports car surgically melded with my bottom. The only dilemna, which personally number to go with maybe B00TY.
4. The hole is really the star of the show, isn't it. Mine is, frankly, adorable. Thank you, Tali, me and my bottom are reassured. You are very kind! In fact, my bottom is swelling with arrogance. I'm lifting off my seat. My girlfriend purports to find my little bottom adorable, especially in the context of my frame. All is well in the world!
Then by all means, put your faith in your girlfriend and trust that you can travel freely, by day or night, because the only opinion that matters, other than yours of course, is hers. If I may amalgamate two excellent lines of lyrics: Be yourself, no matter what they say, because to be yourself is all that you can do. That includes accepting your body as it is, butt or no butts, without ifs and ands. (Sorry, couldn't help it...)
Thanks Tali! Reading between the lines of yours wisdoms, your saying I should traverse the globe in cheekless chaps. Ill get right to it! haha no need to help. that if and butts was in my notes actually, but I couldn't quite get to the bottom of it. I had something like "all but something
lol To which I can only say, Mama Mia!
I've started saying that myself!
It's very contageous I think.
Haha! I have the opposite problem. Pre-Kardashians I was some weird quirk of arse genetics. My ex in Chicago, while we sat waiting for our takeaway pizza, giving a young man a once over, whispered “you can’t trust a man with no ass”. No idea how he came by that conversation piece, but he was adamant.
Every arse has it's day! haha if the buttress is where the morals accumulate, I must be nothing but an arsehole
You can always cut off someone’s butt and plaster it on top of yours.
Do you know a willing donor?
No, you'll have to kidnap a black woman.
My friend calls this “frog ass” and I *cry laughing* every time!
haha frog ass, that's a certified zinger
My dad's side of the family has a name, which sounds like the degree many of them have: MBBS. Whilst there are a bunch of doctors there, this specific acronym stands for "Member of big booty society". I am blessed with a generous one thanks to genetic back draft. I quite like it 😂
😂this article is amusingly entertaining
thanks man!
it looks like so….
What looks like so? May I ask, Johnny?
I must admit that I never thought about my behind very much until I read your hysterical "Curse of the Bootyless." The consequences of reading this is that now I will have to find a way to get a good look at my 'tush' without looking like an arsehole doing so. I have a feeling that once upon a time I had l had the desired nice rounded bottom, but that age has now caused muscles to sag dragging my rear end with them. I don't think you should be ashamed or feel cheated by having flat flanks. You next piece of writing should be an extolling of the flat hiney. This was a very, very enjoyable piece.
We never think much of the things that come to us naturally. You've been sitting on a position of privilege with that cushy tushy! haha flat flanks, is a great phrase. One of the sentences I culled was "The wagon I'm dragging is sagging and flagging" because I thought it wasn't true to my non botty! So, if that applies to yours, I give you full rights to it. I have come to terms without my bottom. Now that's a challenge! I'll show that in the ideas doccy. Thanks very much Sandy! I appreciate you reading and always enjoy your comments
It's fun to read your writing and fun to comment and have communication with you, Wrong Channel.
Oh, I forgot, I did manage to look at my rear end, and I sighed and said, "What the heck, as long as it lets me sit on it!"
haha at least you were able to look at it. The network of mirrors I have to deploy to see absolutely nothing, is never worth the faff
The fun is all mine! It's Sam by the way
Sam, your writing is a hoot! A meaningful hoot. 😊
thank you! I'm all hoot no booty
Haaaaa! 😂