22 Comments
May 9Liked by Wrong Channel

I've never been arrested, but I did take a shaker of pepper flakes from a Pizza Hut because my order was taking too long. My little brother was with me, and he was scared someone would catch me. The shaker is still in my parents' pantry!

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haha shame on you! SHAME! This was a sting by Yum! Brands, Inc., formerly Tricon Global Restaurants, Inc - and you are in for in it now! You will be punished to a indefinite, bottomless buffet.

That's amazing! You should keep that shaker in plain view, to remind you never to go back to your old ways. I passed a job interview at pizza hut after being up all night on pills, and, what I would say is, any job you can get on pills is not worth doing

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May 9Liked by Wrong Channel

You, criminal mastermind you. ;-)

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I stole a CD player from my school when I was playing tennis. Probably the naughtiest thing I've ever done. I came home and cried and ruined my brother's birthday.

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May 9Liked by Wrong Channel

“What are you in for?”

“Tzatziki.”

LOLOL Brilliant

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haha cheers Tim, the cop didn't react like that

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Honestly, if somebody doesn't take a stand in favour of the right to purloin hors d'oeuvres, what will our society become? say I... Who will fight for freedom when the mallcops come groping yer pockets in search of tasty snacks?

First they came for the cheese dip, and I said nothing because I was lactose intolerant...

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haha purloin hors d'oeuvres! What a zinger. If I could smuggle that out of a supermarket in my groin, I surely would.

If a man of humble means, cannot, take the initiative, and leave an establishment with a cylinder of chilled goop in his undercarriage, then something is sorely wrong with this once-fair country, in my incredibly humble opinion!

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You've hit the nail on the head my good sir, along with the tub of refrigerated taramasalata on the bellend.

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haha it's not the done thing, to double dip a tip, flaccid or otherwise, in a tub of taramasalata, as I learned the hard way, at my dear Aunt's wake.

You've hit the nail on the head there, taramasalata is the most comic dip of the lot. I was tempted to lie and include it, but I couldn't do it

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May 9Liked by Wrong Channel

Then they came for the tzatziki, and I said nothing because I'm a vampire...

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Then they came for the hummus, and I said nothing because my mouth was bulging with hummus...

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May 9Liked by Wrong Channel

That Aussie guy is magnificent. Your dangerous hankering for tasty Mediterranean dips makes for a great story, Sam.

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Thank you very much!

haha he's a such a gangster! The back story is, the police misidentified him as some globe trotting con man. So they got all the press cameras outside. But he was just some character having a meal, a succulent Chinese meal. It never fails to make me laugh. I think I might get a tattoo of that guy or a painting or something

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- A crime for tzatziki, is a crime worth doing.

Ancient Greek proverb.

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haha preach! I cited the Tzatziki defence at the Hague

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"My solicitor is actually a subscriber." You saved the best for last!

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And so’s my dad! That’s the first he’d heard of the incident

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Tricky thing, parents as subscribers. Just ask my mom....

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They were NEVER supportive of my solvent huffing

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Re being caught see episode two. As a child I was an expert shop lifter. In fact my first few LPs were all shop lifted….. then I stopped. Just like that

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Good you got out of the game while you could. I was always so anxious when my friends were doing it, that I served as the perfect distraction. They'd apprehend me, the guy sweating with guilt, while my friend walked out with a wok

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