More of a glue man myself! Im a sucker for the classics. I guess that’s cough medicine? I did just the once, nearly got my friends stabbed for hurling my shorts at a drug dealers car, while sprinting
Sure. The prose is sound but the narative doesn't flow. Comedic beats especially dialogue need to follow a tempo. Try counting sylables to see if they need trimming or extending. For examples of humorous beats in naratives read Lemon Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Terry Patchets Discworld series. Great examples for efficient dialogue in comedic situations.
Now I have cravings for monster munch.
Haha better then the alternative!
O man I remember friends who used to huff stuff................ The good ole days!
Haha they were, weren’t they? Back when huffing was huffing!
Y’all ever huff duster? or chug Nyquil?
More of a glue man myself! Im a sucker for the classics. I guess that’s cough medicine? I did just the once, nearly got my friends stabbed for hurling my shorts at a drug dealers car, while sprinting
Narrative asside it was a finely written comedy.
Thanks Charles! And thanks for the feedback, would you mind giving me a few notes on how the narrative could be improved?
Sure. The prose is sound but the narative doesn't flow. Comedic beats especially dialogue need to follow a tempo. Try counting sylables to see if they need trimming or extending. For examples of humorous beats in naratives read Lemon Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Terry Patchets Discworld series. Great examples for efficient dialogue in comedic situations.
Thanks for the feedback! That’s helpful. I know what you mean something in the flow wasn’t quite sitting right with me, at points.
Sorry to be cheeky, could you give me your opinion on this? To tell me if this flows better https://wrongchannel.substack.com/p/times-i-shat-my-pants-8?utm_source=publication-search
I am sorry, but the subject matter is too off putting for my taste. I hope you understand.
That's completely fair enough Charles. I forget other people aren't as at ease with popping themselves as me
Its not just that, but the picture and some word choice made it seem like a fetish story.
I feel dizzy from reading this... and there's a Part 2?!
Good dizzy or bad dizzy? And part 3 later today!
Good dizzy!
in that case, I am dizzy with gratitude!
Monster Munch and Furniture polish? Really?
What next... Meths and Curly-Wurly?
Haha skag and a chomp?