You're right, I was painfully aware of the lack of ladies! They are people after all, according to the latest science. The honest title would be 4 types of men I can think of something funny ti say about. I don't know enough about what make your suggestions tick. Partly because I've never exchanged pleasantries with anyone at the gym as I'm dead set on avoiding gym friendships at all costs. It is a lovely path, but it is mine
Sam, I love "FIVE PEOPLE IN EVERY GYM." It's hilarious. My wife and I live in a retirement community in northern california, and in our fitness center there is a septegenarian exactly as you describe. You can hear him coming around a corner by the crunching and creeking of the lycra, and when he appears he has the full head of hair (which I actually suspect is a full wig) and a perfect, walrus mustache. Over the years, his tummy has begun to stretch the lycra so that it crunches and creeks more than ever. I also notice, with evil joy in my heart, that his skin has taken on the appearance of cracked cheese as the once hard muscles yield to the demands of time. God bless him, he has fought the good fight. Now he must go to the dentist to have his dentures fixed so they stop clacking when he speaks!
Glad you liked it Sandy! Haha you created a vivid picture of that slippery old grease ball. I can see him creaking through a seductive squat on my head
Oh yeah, fuck those guys. Once, while hanging from a bar, I mimicked this guy’s advice back at him, but like a toddler who can’t quite speak yet. I don’t know where it came from, it’s quite out of character
As always, your social commentary is delightful and, I am quite certain, on point. Could the fifth kind be the average Joe or Jo? Is that an option? (I do apologize, I haven't been to the gym in two decades at least. I am way too lazy for it.)
Thanks very much, Tali. I think it could be, I had a few notes on the January avenger, but they all seemed a bit mean. Laziness is an admirable trait on my books
Ooh, the January avenger... I like that. I have probably met many of those in this life time. I imagine there are also many women who would fit into the May Panic attack group, which is all about getting ready for the beach. My problem is that my favourite sports are listening, thinking and laughing. I'm also really good at skiing down the stairs. If it ever becomes an Olympic sport, I'll be there.
This year I set out on a successful campaign to gain as much weight as I could before holiday. Those are the greatest sports of all. I’m not a bad laugher, but I haven’t given thought a moment’s this side of the embryonic sac. Haha I’m pretty handy at uphill and downhill stair slalom myself. I challenge you!
Did I miss mention of those people who sit at a machine, do ten reps, then look at their phone for 20 minutes etc and then brag to their friends that their workout lasted two hours ? :)
Oh yeah good point, sod those lot. I'm ashamed to admit I've been known to stand intimidatingly near them, in hope of scaring them off. I'm not proud of this but if I've got an hour to work out before work and theyre all of a hog, I allow it
Where are the ladies? LOL Girl Dead-Lifter, Mom on Machine, Woo-Woo Health Nut? Thanks for sharing! :D
You're right, I was painfully aware of the lack of ladies! They are people after all, according to the latest science. The honest title would be 4 types of men I can think of something funny ti say about. I don't know enough about what make your suggestions tick. Partly because I've never exchanged pleasantries with anyone at the gym as I'm dead set on avoiding gym friendships at all costs. It is a lovely path, but it is mine
Your four are funny! There are so many more--Your keen observations have got us thinking about this now! 💚
Thanks Nicole! I'm keen if nothing else
Funny list here. Don't forget the person who sweats on the machines and never cleans up!
Cheers Daniel. I wouldn't want to he too self critical... I'm a sweaty sunnabitch
Haha well as long as you use a towel it’s all good!
My sweat patch can’t be categorised as a patch
I do when I remember! But I sweat through it…
Sam, I love "FIVE PEOPLE IN EVERY GYM." It's hilarious. My wife and I live in a retirement community in northern california, and in our fitness center there is a septegenarian exactly as you describe. You can hear him coming around a corner by the crunching and creeking of the lycra, and when he appears he has the full head of hair (which I actually suspect is a full wig) and a perfect, walrus mustache. Over the years, his tummy has begun to stretch the lycra so that it crunches and creeks more than ever. I also notice, with evil joy in my heart, that his skin has taken on the appearance of cracked cheese as the once hard muscles yield to the demands of time. God bless him, he has fought the good fight. Now he must go to the dentist to have his dentures fixed so they stop clacking when he speaks!
Glad you liked it Sandy! Haha you created a vivid picture of that slippery old grease ball. I can see him creaking through a seductive squat on my head
‘A body no longer fit for any part of life between sets.’ No wonder they spend so much time in there. It’s a vicious cycle now.
Here's the part where I have to confess that I really enjoy going to the gym
#6 The Self Appointed Mentor who goes around giving tips to everyone who makes eye contact with him
Oh yeah, fuck those guys. Once, while hanging from a bar, I mimicked this guy’s advice back at him, but like a toddler who can’t quite speak yet. I don’t know where it came from, it’s quite out of character
loool
As always, your social commentary is delightful and, I am quite certain, on point. Could the fifth kind be the average Joe or Jo? Is that an option? (I do apologize, I haven't been to the gym in two decades at least. I am way too lazy for it.)
Thanks very much, Tali. I think it could be, I had a few notes on the January avenger, but they all seemed a bit mean. Laziness is an admirable trait on my books
Ooh, the January avenger... I like that. I have probably met many of those in this life time. I imagine there are also many women who would fit into the May Panic attack group, which is all about getting ready for the beach. My problem is that my favourite sports are listening, thinking and laughing. I'm also really good at skiing down the stairs. If it ever becomes an Olympic sport, I'll be there.
This year I set out on a successful campaign to gain as much weight as I could before holiday. Those are the greatest sports of all. I’m not a bad laugher, but I haven’t given thought a moment’s this side of the embryonic sac. Haha I’m pretty handy at uphill and downhill stair slalom myself. I challenge you!
Challenge accepted. lol Me and my luck, I will be the first person to prove skiing is possible within the city limits of London lol
You are on! Haha I think I snowboarded down a set of Birmingham stairs once
Wow! Snowboarding in the Black Country! Now that's ambition!
Did I miss mention of those people who sit at a machine, do ten reps, then look at their phone for 20 minutes etc and then brag to their friends that their workout lasted two hours ? :)
Oh yeah good point, sod those lot. I'm ashamed to admit I've been known to stand intimidatingly near them, in hope of scaring them off. I'm not proud of this but if I've got an hour to work out before work and theyre all of a hog, I allow it
#5 lol
A classic cop out!
This gave me a big chuckle, great work
Cheers Marco!
You forgot a category. The chatty gym uncle: https://tyagarajan.substack.com/p/i-should-probably-stick-to-running?utm_source=publication-search
Fully concur with the view of a gym. Gyms rank among the most boring places to visit.
My gay uncle refers to himself as the guncle, but there is a new, less-charming guncle on the scene. Cheers for sending this through!
They are plain dull but I do love going to them and don’t know where I’d be without them
I'm here to be the odd #7 comment heheheheh
The 7th comment spot is reserved for your good self
hey wait that was only 4 people
Prove it!