A Fat Person’s Guide to Weight Loss
Lose 10 pounds in 30 days **Gain 30 pounds in 10 days.
The world idolises David Goggins for his inspirational weight loss journey - but the guy only lost weight once.
Over my lifetime, I’ve shed five times as much blubber as the negatively buoyant former-Seal, but, just because I put it all back on, nobody reveres me as this immortal paragon of mental toughness. My breathy self-help audiobooks stay unheard. My seated motivational talks, unattended.
I would argue - and have, at gruelling length, through the intercom of Goggin’s armoured Florida condo - losing the exact same weight, again and again, forever, takes way more willpower than some one-off stint.
Running, while fat, is the least respected of all the most demanding athletic disciplines. A beloved spectator sport, the joy of which transcends language and creed - except for the competitor. Every skimming stride crashlands through joints evolved for times of scarcity. Unfat people workout in weighted vests. Try living in one, pal. In my grease-buffed books, that’s cultural appropriation.
Do you know what it takes to go to the gym thrice-weekly for a decade and still live on the buttery crust of morbid obesity? In all my years on running machines, going nowhere fast, never have I seen another human carry as much as far as me. Depending on what I had for supper, I am either the world’s fattest fit person or fittest fat person.
Before you all start, I’ve heard every revolutionary variation of eating less calories than you expend.
Still, here I am again. Hiding from the irrefutable evidence of the bathroom scales. I can feel Shrodinger’s fat glomming on the back of my neck. Repeating the greedy credo of the western world:
Fuck, I can’t fucking believe you’ve got fucking fat, again.
I was a distance runner till I took an arrow in the knee. Since then I have to eat like a Chihuahua or else hormones store every bite to my posterior. I'm 51 and could live a lean winter off my booty if I needed to. I might not look like a sex bomb anymore but at least I won't break a hip if I fall.
Thank you for “Schrödinger’s fat”