5 Words that are Played Out

It's time to let these words go...

Certain words have been run so deep into the ground, it’s time to appreciate the time we had together and bury them for good.

Words once teeming with silliness, now the stock vocab of nervy panel show first-timers and colleagues striving for zany.

If, like me, you have played a part in the downfall of these words, it gives me no pleasure that I must be the one to inform you, but - they’re played out. 

Rendition

“I can tell you, my rendition of ‘many rivers to cross’, left a lot to be desired! ha-ha!”

Whenever anyone who can’t sing sings, they recount their squalling tribute as a ‘rendition’. 

Rousing shower renditions in the face of a new working day. Touching renditions from the unelevated karaoke stage, with backing vocals dry heaved. Whining backseat renditions of Wonderwall, forcing the unselfconscious renditions of our youth.

The universal in-joke being our renditions leave a lot to be desired to qualify as renditions.

‘Rendition’ once described a performer channelling another’s work through a gift of their own, giving life to a slight diversion of its beauty. Today, the average rendition consumes any appreciation for the original in the minds of all those present. 

All sense of occasion has been diluted from the word, watering down any daftness along with it. Now every rendition of rendition chafes at the eardrum as much as the rendition itself. 

Come all ye faithful, and join me in rendition’s swansong.

Receptacles

“Shall I get some receptacles for this red?”

There shouldn't be anything wrong with calling a glass a receptacle. I’m an ardent upholder of daffy wordage - it's a bit of fun, isn’t it?

No doubt, it was a modest bit of fun for the first person to refer to a glass as a sort-of generic thing that holds something. Unsurprisingly, it grew less and less fun, bit of fun by bit of fun, for the first brave few billion to follow.

At this stage, it would be more snort-supressingly hilar’ to call a glass a glass. Yet the receptacle crowd take so much satisfaction in the absurdity of their daring humdinger.

“Lovely, I’ll just go grab some.. re-cep-tac-les.”

The word drips deliberately off their tongue, as if they just couldn’t resist. Every syllable presenting fresh opportunity to pause and feel the fresh comic ground breaking underfoot.

“Re-cep-ta-cle, anyone?”

Like every household sucker and their wack aunty isn't replacing this household item with, wait for it, a less specific word. 

Let’s try and think outside the *ahem* con-tain-er, shall we? 

Beverages

Don’t get me started on beverages.

Sir  

If you are truly the knight of your own realm, with a deep tactical knowledge of medieval armed combat, yet none of the grip strength to apply it - then, you own that courtly pomp, my good sir!

All too often, this mock pageantry is committed by a self-proclaimed geez. A man who will surely never know the sweet victory of defeat in re-enacted battle. Never the less, they cap off each proposed pint every bit the Jacobean noblemen, all "Another, my good sir?" 

Belching out faux-chivalry, as if every bloke they’re chipping away at for social status is a rival suitor shelling up before the county joust. It’s the doable banter of off-duty policemen, or guys whose one redeeming personality trait was having a car before everyone else.

“You there, scurrilous nave. Mayhap, thou procure some packet, prithee.”

Squire, I fear the tourney has passed on to the next township, and carted its pageantry along with it. And yet here you lie, unhorsed by a blunt stretch of pine on a foolhardy charge. Chest plate crumpled, and ego with it. Now you must wander lost from tavern to tavern; a knight with no lance nor title on an unending quest for a new shtick.

something-esque

“It’s kind of hot-esque, today, right?”

It is thought that any use of ‘-esque’ is Stephen Fryesque. 

Remember, that suffix is the exact point in the English language where intellect and wit intersect. What’s more, that unhurried -esque is always the gaudy centrepiece of their sentence. The esquer want to make triply sure you fully appreciate the trailblazing audacity of that -esque. 

The most concise way to come across verbose, each -esque is laced with weaponised smarm. The ‘-esque’ can normally be found in art grad’s showy exhibition of common knowledge, or waffling free from a rent-a-scholar on radio 4. If you are a dithering gasbag of ever-seeping pretension, that’s one thing. 

“Yeah, me too, I’m sort of hungry-esque.”

But those who ‘esque’ in everyday chitty chat ‘esque’ with failed aspirations of pretentiousness. Hoping to, one day, achieve pretentiousness, when it's tragically apparent they’ll never reach their lofty goal. 

If this humble, petty article makes just one person give pause, and take a slither off their conviction, as they offer to:

“Grab a few receptacles for this piss-esqe beverage, then we’ll top that rendition of Only You, my good sir.”

– then, it will all be worth it.